The Art of the Marriage Proposal

Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to share with you the Art of the Marriage Proposal.

This seems like such a simple thing. Let me tell you, it is not. There are so many ways that this can fail, and you really will want to think twice about your proposal scenario before you go through with it. Whether you are a guy proposing to a girl, or a girl proposing to a guy, or a guy proposing to a guy, or a girl proposing to a girl, or proposing to your pet, whatever, you should probably read this post and take a few simple hints.

Take for example the Sporting Event proposal. You ONLY participate in this kind of proposal IF: 1. The person you are proposing to literally will live and die for the sport AND 2. You are 100% without a dout certain that this person is saying yes. You are certain of this because THEY picked out the ring and probably threatened your life if you didn't propose within the next so many days/weeks/months etc. If, and only if, both of those items are true may you propose to your significant other at a sporting event. If NOT, you will end up like THIS GUY:





That is not something you want to be known for at the local arena/stadium or something you want plastered all over the internet. You also do not want to spend the night being comforted by the dude dressed up in the mascot outfit. If this is something you are about to do, I am telling you, PLEASE RECONSIDER unless you fall into BOTH of the two categories above.

A second proposal option, that may seem appealing, as it would probably fun/adventurous and maybe even considered quite romantic, that you should probably steer clear of is the hot air balloon proposal.

Just imagine, you are hundres of feet up in the air, miles away from home or land, floating through the clouds, enjoying the day and the view with your significant other who you have decided that you want to spend the rest of your life with. You do not under any circumstances ask this person to marry you while in this hot air balloon. Why you might ask? WHAT IF THEY SAY NO? Where on earth are you going to go? Are you just going to end it right then and there? Jump out of the balloon? You can't get mad and leave the room or cry and run away. There is literally NO WHERE TO GO. And the size of that little basket you're sitting in isn't too big. Please, just enjoy the moment, land the balloon, then ask. At least if they so no on land you have the ability to escape.

While we are on the topic of balloons, that brings me to my next point. I bet you've thought of this really clever idea: put the ring IN a balloon and then POP the question (so you put the ring in the balloon, pop it, and ask her to marry you). Before you go ahead and do this, let me provide you with a word of caution. You've now been saving up for a long time; you've bought an incredibly expensive ring, you think of this truly clever idea, you blow up the balloon, put the ring in it, and BAM, before you are able to pop it, the balloon flies away and so does your $12,000 engagement ring. BAD IDEA. Don't do it.

Along the same lines of putting the ring IN something. DO NOT, and I repeat DO NOT, put the ring IN food. That is so dangerous. Are you trying to get married, or kill someone with a really great cover story? You put that ring in a cookie, or in a glass of champagne, your boyfriend or girlfriend goes in for a bite/drink and bam, they've swallowed it, are choking on it, and die. I would refrain from doing this.

Hopefully these ideas weren't your top four. And, if they were, I'm sorry, it probably wasn't going to end well for you anyway. All I'm saying is, there is a right way and a wrong way to propose. These are some of the wrong ways.