GymWonders of the Third Kind

I just recently joined a gym close to my work. I have decided to take a step to further improve my health and well being and I'm very proud of myself. I have always been a somewhat athletic person, but in the past I had stuck to outside activities: running, social sports, etc. Now that I joined a gym, I realized that there are certain things you will see there that you will never see anywhere else. Only at the gym can you witness these little mysteries of life and majestic occurrences that leave you stunned and awed by the possibilities of life. Please follow me through my gym photo journal, as I share with you part one of my experiences over the past 21 days:


The Narcissistic Buff Ginger Man on Toxic Levels of Human Growth Hormone

I now share with you something truly disturbing, right out of the depths of our darkest nightmares. Picture yourself walking out of the locker room at the gym, getting ready to work out. You walk out into the mirrored room and you see the reflection of a 5 foot tall, red headed man with bulging muscles popping out of his chest. His pants are so low you can see his barren happy trail (impeccably shaved and groomed) leading it's way down into the depths of hell. He is pumping an iron with one fist that holds more weight than both your buffet-eating grandparents combined. Not only is he lifting this weight EASILY, but he is also smiling at himself and whispering sweet nothings to his own reflection "yea that's right god you're so hot, you sweet ginger complected hunk of man. god my body looks so swol. i would so do me. i want to do myself." You hold back the vomit from escaping as you stare at this man in amazement. I wish it wasn't true, but I experienced this today as I walked out of the locker room to hit the treadmills. As I ran my 3 miles I couldn't get the picture out of my head. I haven't been able to eat dinner tonight, and I don't count on sleeping much.





The Boob Flinger That Flings Her Boobs Around, Doesn't Wear a Sports Bra, and Thinks She Is Better Than You



So I took a kickboxing class the other day. I was totally excited for it. I went with my roommate and co-worker and we quickly took our places in the back of the class. We began our warm up with our teacher and were just starting to get the hang of things when the door slammed open and in walked a woman wearing the skimpiest non-work out outfit I have ever seen. She had regular pants on and a tank top with a regular bra underneath. Most off she had a chest the size of two lumpy watermelons picked fresh right off the vine. She quickly went to the front of the room and began working out...or should I say, erupting into full body epileptic seizures. Her moves were something directly out of karate kid. I believe she could have kicked and sliced through 15 wooden boards that night using just her breasts. Everything our teacher did, she did it 5 times bigger with extra sloppy/incorrect kicks, higher jumps.....and more than anything extensive boob flinging. During the half way point of the class we heard a sudden crash of something metal hit the mirrors. We realized it was Boob Flingers gold medallions that had snapped off under the weight of her flinging breasts and shot off her chest into the mirror. Boob Flinger was barely phased. I doubt I will ever have the skills, or the boobs to come close to Boob Flinger. She is truly a GymWonder.

TO BE CONTINUED....